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Prayers, please

I don't want to be a Drama Queen, or anything, but I could use some prayers tomorrow. I saw my dr yesterday because of some headaches I've been having. They are quick bursts of pain (needle-like pain) that happen on the right side of my head just above my ear, and on the left-side of the back of my head simulatnaeously. Those bursts will happen for about an hour, then go away for a couple of hours and start again. When it happens, I sometimes lose my peripheral vision in my right eye. As soon as that burst subsides, my vision resumes. Matt convinced me to go see the dr yesterday, and he was a little concerned about a vascular problem in my brain - blood clot perhaps. He also thinks it's highly likely that I have cluster migraines, but he wants to rule out the clot theory with an MRI first. So, tomorrow noon, I am going in for an MRI to check out my brain - chances are, they'll just tell me there is no such thing as a brain in this head of mine and send me home. But just in case that's not their repsonse, I would really appreciate any prayers you guys could send up.

I was lying in bed last night looking at my sleeping guys and, well..girls, I don't think I've ever prayed harder in my life. I know that this is probably nothing. But just thinking about what it could be? I have to be here for my boys. I have to...

And my element is...

water
You're Element is Water. You are soft and serene at
most times but like Wind, you're scary when
you're mad. You proabaly have a talent is
singing and even your speaking voice is lovely.
You have an innocent type of beauty that makes
you look younger than you are and you like
close relationships with people.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
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Okay, okay...I know...



Peek-a-boo with Daddy












And, more...

Jumping!




Snow!


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Jumping!
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Snow!
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<img src="http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0bwAAAP4gEwIab2Npg8nuOlQsrs3cGaU26SRQkEJPs0cHPmaxVO2atHEEAkiesiN7UeG36R66MFVT!QMfwXrS1BJjIQ70*swrsD9znN6t4B2fFZePwovIXKNfRQ0!6!HU77kuPIi2LmCjHnL!zk8DYUw0zuYzy3na/2004-02%20Daddy%20and%20Tommy%20in%20snow.JPG?dc=4675460140682039537"/img>

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Now that I know it worked...



With Pop-Pop


Standing at the LeapFrog Table


Posting...

Just some pictures of my handsome guy...

Eating...


Test really quick...

Why do I apologize?

Last night, I had just downloaded my new recipe software (I know, I'm a geek), and I was busy entering in all of my recipes into my computer. Thomas was asleep and Matt was going to bed. No problems, right? Until a half hour later, when I head downstairs and hear Matt shushing Thomas and Thomas crying. I had no idea he was awake, or I probably would have headed downstairs. So, I go into the bathroom, brish my teeth, wash my face and then i go to take Thomas from Matt, and he gives me this look. You all know it - the where-the-hell-have-you-been-while-I've-been-taking-care-of-this-baby look. So, what do I do? I apologize. "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't hear him crying. I'll take him." And he climbs back in bed while I calm Thomas down.

Huh?

I didn't occur to me until this morning that this is his baby, too. I shouldn't have to apologize for him having to take xare of things every once in awhile. Sure, he's at a disadvantage cause he doesn't have the magic boobs. I'll grant him that. But you know what? It's been over 9 months. You should have found your own magic boob by now. There are times when you're going to have to be able to soothe your child on your own, and I won't be standing right down the hall to do it for you. So, why the hell do I feel the need to apologize when that happens?

Now, Matt's a faboo dad. He loves Thomas, no doubt. They have the most fun together. He makes him laugh, big belly laughs. Thomas plays more games with Matt than with me. They are a great pair. But when it comes to calming, soothing, it's like he gives up, thinking he just can't do it. And that's kind of frustrating sometimes.

And here's the kicker. It's not the I mind taking Thomas. I enjoy rocking him, nursing him, soothing him. But I don't want Matt to think that I'm the only one who can. At first i thought it was because I just take over and don't really give him a chance. But if I don't come running, he comes to find me, or he calls out for me to come and help. I don't know that there's anything that will help. Just venting, I guess.

Job Interview

I had an excellent interview with the current Children's Director and Early Childhood Director. They are both so sweet, and really had a lot of things to say. The direction that they see the ministry going is right up my alley. We talked about our families, our husbands and children, how to balance life in general...it was really great.

We talked about setting up a ministry for new moms where a group of volunteer moms would cook dinner for new families after they come home, and offer to help in other areas: grocery chopping, watching older children, etc.

Setting up a mother-connection type thing, where mothers of infants would be paried with mothers of preschoolers, and preschool moms with elementary school moms. Like a mentoring thing.

They are really interested in the rotation Sunday school format, like I described in my application.

We talked about setting up playgroups on Monday and Friday mornings, which would be fabulous for me. I could bring T with me those mornings and not have him in daycare until later morning/afternoon.

They said Tom is awesome to work for and that the volunteer staff is amazing.

All in all, I couldn't have asked for a better meeting.

And now...we wait...

Morons, I tell ya...

Ugh! Okay, my number one pet peeve about the WC? You can't say anything without it being taken as a slam against someone else. Point in case:

http://boards.weddingchannel.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=453343

Yep, what I really meant was, "If you're baby wasn't 20 pounds at three months, you must be a horrible mom with a malnourished, diseased child." Ya caught me. I'm a bitch.

Thomas's well baby visit

We had a great visit with Dr Piga today. THomas is happy and healthy and thriving, which should come as no surprise :-) He weighed in at 22 pounds 11.5 ozs, and is now 30 inches tall! His head circ was 18.5 inches. He's at or above the 90th percentile for everything, my big guy! I asked Dr Piga about the hemoglobin test, but she said she didn't think it was necessary. She said that if I were having problems currently with anemia or if we were vegetarians, or if he was showing sings of abundant bruising or lethargy, she would test. Otherwise, she thinks that babies were designed to be primarily breastfed for extended periods of time, and thinks that our bodies generally give them everyhting they need. I trust her completely on that, and know that if she had any concerns, she would test. He got his HiB/HepB combo vac today, and seems to be taking it pretty well. She said that we could totally skip the baby foods at this point, and just start giving him mushy pieces of what we eat. Even meats and the like. The only things she warned us away from were citrus fruits, shellfish, nuts and honey. Not a big deal, there. All in all, it was a great appt, and my baby is a very healthy boy!

Asthma :-(

Some of you know that we had been talking about night weaning because of our trip to hawaii. I was really afraid that it would mess with Thomas badly to wake up a few times a night to nurse, and to find someone besides me, and something besides a boob, to greet him. But we have been steered away from that course of action. I took Thomas to see our wonderful pediatrician today. He had been pulling on his ears and coughing accompanied by some vomiting. She looked at his ears, said he has a slight ear infection, but it's viral, so no need for antibiotics (part of the reason we love her)./ She then listened to his chest. Says she is worried that he is developing asthma. I have asthma and it is quite the hereditary disease. But it's not bad yet. She asked what he was eating, and I told ehr that besides a few bites of our food in the evenings, he just nurses like 10 times a day and a few times a night. Mentioned something about the trip and night weaning. She said she seriously didn't want us restricting his nursing at all. She says she believes that the only reason he hasn't developed full on asthma yet is because of the amount of breastmilk he has gotten. The best thing we can do to keep him off of asthma meds and possibly make it so that he never has to deal with asthma, is to breastfeed as much as possible for as long as possible. Did I mention that I love, love, love her? The solids we're giving right now are fine, but she doesn't want us to up his intake of them cause she wants 99% of his nutrition to come from BM. She asked if he sleeps with us. I said yes, and she smiled. Said that he will benefit greatly from unrestricted access to bm (I love her!).

We go back in for his 9 month appt Feb 6th. I was considering delaying the next round of vax's but if he is going to be dealing with asthma, I think I'd feel better going ahead and getting the immunizations. Everything I've seen indicates that babes with resp problems are at more risk for these dieases.

And he's soooo big. My babe weighs 23 pounds! Healthy guy, huh? And they all commented on how content he is. I am so blesses!

Eating Crow

Before I start into this new subject, let me first add a caveat to what I said the other day. there are people whom I look to for opinions and advice. The ladies I know here, are among those people. Lan, I would hope you know that just being able to chat with you IRL heps me with a lot of things. I just become irritated when people offer there unsolicited insight into my life, my marriage and my family. All of which they know nothing about. Make sense?

Anyway, Matt and were tlaking last night about all of things we said pre-baby and had a good laugh. But we delved into why we thought the things we did back then. I discovered that my parents routines had a lot to do with what I thought was right and wrong. But I was wrong about my parents. My dad and my bio mom, Robbi, never went out together. I attributed their divorce to this, and sometimes, to this alone. The reality is that they enver went out together because they truly didn't like each other. It's not that they didn't like each other because they didn't have dates. It was the other way around. My dad and Robbi were never a good match. Not from the beginning and certainly not towards the end. My dad and my mom? They go out alone fairly regularly. They had to. They got married and started their life together with 4 kids between the ages of 5 and 12. But they are meant to be together. Their marriage would be strong whetehr they went out alone or not. They like each other, faults and all. They have a solid foundation. What I failed to take into account in my pre-baby eval of their situations was that that one factor (date night) was not the be all end all of their relationships. It was simply one choice that they had made in a lfielong journey.

There are so many things I said I would/would never do before Thomas was born that it boggles my mind. It just astonishes me that I thought I knew so much before I became a parent. This babe humbles me every day with how little I really know.

Life, Love and the Pursuit of happiness

I just nursed Thomas to sleep in our bed, and realized with such clarity how fast this time is going by. where is my baby? The one who could curl up so tiny that the crook of my arm was too big? Who could lie in his sling and not even be seen? Where is that tiny being that they laid on my chest in the hospital? In his place is this...boy. But you know what? I didn't know that baby. I had dreamed of him, longed for him, but I didn't know him, and he didn't know me. This boy is so much more. He knows who he's looking for when he hears the word mama. He knows my smell, and my voice. When I walk into the room, his face lights up and his arms reach out, and it is then that all is right with the world.

Part of the struggle lately has been the balance that everyone speaks of. I have problems with balancing Thomas, Matt and myself. But my biggest problem is that I don't feel like it's a problem. And really, neither does Matt for the most part. We are so content being a family that we really don't miss the days before Thomas all that much. And people tell me that is wrong. But why? We are so happy. This Hawaii trip? Really the first time since Thomas was born that we have come to an impasse that seemed larger than us. But together, we worked through it and are at peace with it. We went out on a date on Friday night, and decided to go back home after about an hour and a half. We didn't have to, but we wanted to. We didn't want to miss putting the Bubba to bed, or reading him his stories. And again, people say that is wrong. But we know and love each other. We are a couple, and we love being a couple. For now, we love being a couple that makes a family.

A job that seems right up my alley has come to light recently, and I'm really not sure where to go with it. The church we have started attending here in Carrollton is looking for a Director of Children's Ministries. I have been Director of Youth Ministries for two churches, and taught early childhood for three years. I love it. It is the only thing that has fulfilled me career wise. Being a mom fulfills me so completely, though, that I'm not sure if I should pursue it or not. Matt thinks that I should talk to them. He doesn't have an opinion (at least not one he's willing to let me in on) as to whether I should seriously pursue it, but he does think that if I just let it go without any inquiry I will regret it. He might be right. But I'm just not sure. If the church preschool would take Thomas for part of the day, it might be doable. I wouldn't be right there with him, but I'd be as close as one could get without being a SAHM. I don't know. Maybe I'll e-mail the pastor and find out some more details. Can't hurt to get some info, right?

Anyway, that's it for my first post in my new journal...Not too exciting, but that's me, I guess. Matt's watching CSI, and I think I'll go cuddle with him before I go to bed. Good night...